Hey Amazon: What The Actual..?

In these days of division and discord, it’s good to look back over the centuries and note how humanity has united together in pursuit of one common goal.

It’s not quite so heartening when you’re forced to recognise that the goal we’ve been striving for is to make the planet completely uninhabitable for mammalian life.

We should muster a hearty round of applause then, when a company on the scale of Amazon takes a significant step to reduce their part in the collective effort to wipe out all humanity.  In the summer of last year, they made a commendable announcement.

The company will use machinery that “creates the perfect packaging for your products, reducing the empty space (air) in each shipment. This reduces the need for void fill and improves the protection of contents for each package.”

The Drum

Wonderful.  Good going guys.

Oo! There’s someone at the door!  I wonder what they’re bringing me?  Could it be that ball throwing stick thingy for the dog?


Banana not included

The technology… will ensure more appropriately sized boxes are chosen.



Image: Jamie Boyd – CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Oh well, looks like we’re doomed after all.  In the end there’ll be just three animal species left.  Cockroaches.  The Scottish Midge.  And Katie Hopkins.

To be fair to Amazon – and I’d really rather not be – they did warn that it could be up to twenty months before this scheme was fully rolled out.  But honestly, how on earth did the company grow into such a behemoth in the first place, with this kind of absurdness permeating their core business activity?


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